


All These Years

by my_proof_is_you



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Past Relationship(s), the one that got away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 19:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_proof_is_you/pseuds/my_proof_is_you
Summary: The reader and Dean knew each other in the past but let each other get away. What will happen when you see each other again?Sorry, bad summary. But this is a completed three part fic that has song lyrics inserted in each part.Chapter 1 - All These Years by Camila CabelloChapter 2 - Back To You by Selena GomezChapter 3 - Never Be the Same by Camila Cabello





	1. Chapter 1

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw him. He was sitting at a booth in the bar with his brother, the two of them obviously in town for the same hunt as you. He got up and strode confidently over to you when he saw you.

He looked nearly exactly as he did, but so different at the same time. 

**_Your hair's grown a little longer_ ** ****_  
_ **_Your arms look a little stronger_ **   
  


“Y/N/N,” he said, pulling you into a tight hug. You could barely get your arms to move to return the hug. Your heartbeat was in your ears. 

Dean smiled down at you, his emerald eyes darting between yours.

**_Your eyes just as I remember_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Your smile's just a little softer_ **

“How are you?” he asked. You realized your mouth was still agape and closed it quickly. Seeing Dean was like seeing a part of you that had been missing for years. 

“I--I’m good. Just hunting...you know.”

“Good. You look good, sweetheart,” he said, his hand on your arm. “Why don’t you come have a drink with me and Sam?”

“Uh, y-yeah, I’ll be over in a minute. Just gonna grab a drink.”

You walked to the bar and ordered a beer, wiping your sweaty palms on your jeans. Every feeling you ever had for the Winchester came rushing back, and you felt like you would drop dead from the influx of feelings. 

Dean was the one that got away. He was perfect, and you were so in love with him. You just never found the courage to tell him, and you had parted ways just like most hunters did in the life. 

**_And I, and I never prepared for a moment like that_ ** ****_  
_ **_Yeah, in a second it came all back, it all came back_ ** _   
_

When he sat down in the booth, Sam looked at Dean with raised eyebrows. 

“So, Y/N, huh?” he said suggestively. 

“What?” Dean asked defensively. 

“Nothing, it’s just that she was kind of the one that got away, right?” he asked.

“Sam, I liked her a long time ago. She clearly didn’t feel the same way, so I let her go. End of story,” Dean said, taking a long drink of his whiskey.

“Except that you didn’t really ever let her go. I saw the way you looked at her just now,” Sam said.

You turned with your drink and started walking toward the booth where the brothers sat, trying to calm yourself in the process. When you were a few feet away where they couldn’t see you, you couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

\--”going so well. She’s great, and I’m glad we found each other after Y/N left,” you heard Dean say. “I just don’t want to mess up a good thing.”

You felt your heart sink.

**_Couldn't help but overhear ya_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Sounds like you're happy with her_ **

_ He has a girlfriend. Of course he does, Y/N. How could he not?  _ You chastised yourself for letting all the feelings for Dean come back. You couldn’t help but wonder, though, if he is as happy as he would be if you got the chance to be with him.

**_Does she kiss you like I’d kiss you?_ **

**_And does she love you like I miss you?_ **

You sat down next to Dean, feeling the heat coming off his body. The three of you talked and caught up for a while. Before you knew it, though, the boys had to leave. You hugged them both goodbye, keeping your arms around Dean for a little longer than necessary.

You wanted to stop him from leaving. You wanted to tell him everything. But you knew that he was happy, and that was all you really ever wanted for him.

**_'Cause after all these years_ ** ****_  
_ **_I still feel everything when you are near_ ** ****_  
_ **_And it was just a quick hello_ ** ****_  
_ **_And you had to go_ ** ****_  
_ **_And you probably will never know_ ** ****_  
_ **_You're still the one I'm after all these years_ **   


Dean closed his door and sat behind the wheel of the Impala. 

“What?” Sam asked when Dean didn’t start the car.

“I can’t seem to leave,” Dean replied, staring at the door to the bar. Sam smiled knowingly to himself. 

“Are you gonna go back in, or not?” he asked. 

Dean looked at his brother, trying to decide if he should risk what he had for something he knew he missed out on. 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean never had to make the decision. His brother stepped in for him. Sam had begged you to come stay at the bunker with the brothers and help them on their cases. Dean shot his brother a grateful look when you accepted. He wasn’t sure what he was going but he knew he needed more time.

_Took you like a shot_   
_Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening_   
_Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you_

You had gone straight to your old room and unpacked. You weren’t living in any permanent place, so coming to stay with the brothers had been easy. When you were settled, you came out to the kitchen where Dean was leaning against the counter, drinking a beer.

“So, all unpacked?” he asked you.

“Yep. Nothing’s really changed around here,” you said, looking around. Dean grinned to himself.

“We’re nothing if not consistent,” he replied.

You smiled in return and Dean felt his heart stutter a bit. He had always loved your smile. You brushed past him and grabbed your own beer from the fridge, reaching to the back where they were on the shelf. Dean had to physically tear his eyes away from your ass where his eyes had immediately settled.

  
_And every time we talk_  
 _Every single word builds up to this moment_  
 _And I gotta convince myself I don't want it_  
 _Even though I do_

“Hey, Deany!” he heard from the bunker’s door. His face dropped immediately when he realized who it was. His girlfriend.

She bounced in, walking past you without a single look and pushed herself up on her toes to kiss him.

“Sarah, what’re you doing here?” he asked. He couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had forgotten about his girlfriend since you decided to come home with him.

“Just stopping by to hang out,” she replied. Her eyes darted to you and Dean saw jealousy reflected in them.

“This is Y/N/N,” Dean said. You immediately reached out a hand with a smile.

“Actually it’s Y/N,” you said. Dean hadn’t even realized he had used your nickname. Sarah shook your hand hesitantly, looking back and forth from him to you.

“So...you’re the Y/N that left a few years ago? You’re back?” she asked kind of rudely. He felt his cheeks redden.

Dean saw you let the rudeness roll off your back. “Yeah, I did leave. Nature of the job, you know? I’m just back to help out for a bit.”

“Oh, so you’re a hunter, too?” Sarah asked. You nodded. “Deany here saved me from a ghost a year ago and we’ve been inseparable since,” she said, moving to stand next to Dean and grabbing onto his arm.

“That’s sweet, Deany,” you said, obviously mocking him for his nickname. Dean felt his face redden even more. He was so uncomfortable.

“Well it was _great_ to meet you Y/N, but Deany and I need to head to bed,” Sarah said, her voice overly sweet.

You smiled in response. “Have a good night, you two.” Dean went to his room with Sarah, still mortified at the conversation. He didn’t want to think why he cared so much. He especially didn’t want to think of how you could be so nice when his girlfriend wasn’t.

What he didn’t know was that the conversation had secretly created another crack in your heart.

_You could break my heart in two_  
 _But when it heals, it beats for you_  


Dean laid in bed with Sarah next to him curled up into his chest. She was cold and clammy, and he couldn’t help but think about how warm your skin was every time he had touched you in the past. He would sit next to you when watching a movie and chuckle because he would always end up throwing off any blanket he had on from your warmth.

_God, why can’t I stop thinking about her?_

Dean was frustrated. He had a hot chick lying next to him and all he could think about was how he should have told you how he felt when he had the chance.

  
_I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to_  
 _When I'm lying close to someone else_  
 _You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it_  
 _If I could do it all again_  
 _I know I'd go back to you_  


He thought back to one of the last conversations you had before you left to hunt on your own.

_“Are you sure you have to go?” he asked, tugging on your hand._

_“Yes,” you said with a smile. “There’s a lot of evil in the world. It only makes sense that we could fight more if we were split up.”_

_Dean’s heart dropped like it did every time he thought about you not being with him and his brother. He tried not to examine the feeling. He tried to ignore what he really felt because you were better off without him. He knew that, no matter how much he wanted you._

_Dean pulled you into him and hugged you hard. He breathed in your scent, unsure of when he would smell it again._

He smiled as he thought of your smell before immediately shaking his head to clear the memory.

_We never got it right_   
_Playing and replaying old conversations_   
_Overthinking every word and I hate it_   
_'Cause it's not me_

Dean rolled himself out of bed, careful not to wake Sarah. He intended to get some whiskey and try to drink his thoughts away. What he didn’t know was that you were in the library doing the same thing under the pretense of catching up with Sam.

You looked up when Dean entered the library, swallowing the last sip of whiskey you had in your glass. Your cheeks were a little pink from the alcohol and you licked your lips to get the last drop.

Sam’s eyes shifted between the two of you and he got up, making up some excuse about being tired so he could leave.

_And what's the point in hiding?_  
 _Everybody knows we got unfinished business_  


You slid Dean a glass and refilled yours. He sat down across from you and the two of you just looked at each other for a few moments.

“So...Sarah,” you said, needing to fill the silence.

Dean shrugged and sipped his whiskey.

“She’s fun,” he said as if that explained everything. You just nodded and continued drinking. The amber liquid was warming your belly which took the edge off of your discomfort. There was a silence between you that dragged on. You reached your hand out, dragging your fingers over the initials the brothers had carved into the library’s table.

“That all you got to say?” you asked playfully. You continued tracing the letters but stopped when Dean’s hand covered yours. You looked up and saw that his eyes were serious.

“I don’t want to talk about her,” he said, his eyes unwavering. You blinked, immediately noticing the warmth of his hand.

“What do you want to talk about?” you asked, your breath nearly catching in your throat.

_And I'll regret it if I didn't say  
This isn't what it could be _

Dean’s hand turned to hold yours, his other reaching across the table to caress your face.

“I never should have let you go.”

In a flash Dean stood and leaned over the table, pulling your face to his. You gasped at the sudden contact but returned the kiss. For a few moments, everything was perfect.

Then you remembered that his girlfriend was in the other room.

“Dean, I can’t,” you said, breaking away from him.

Everything inside you was telling you to run to the other side of the table and keep kissing him, but you knew better. You couldn’t kiss a guy who was dating someone else. Especially when you were madly in love with him. Especially when it was Dean.

You turned and ran to your room, closing and locking the door.

Dean stood alone in the library, confused and a little heartbroken. He had hoped that you felt the same way he felt about you.

_No, idiot. She’s too good for you._

Dean grabbed his jacket and got into his car, driving away from his sleeping girlfriend, away from you, and away from his disappointment.

  
_You could break my heart in two_  
 _But when it heals, it beats for you_


	3. Chapter 3

You rolled over and opened your eyes. Your bed had never felt so empty.

You had never even been with Dean. Hell, the night before was your first kiss. But you felt his absence already.

_Something must've gone wrong in my brain_   
_Got your chemicals all in my veins_   
_Feeling all the highs, feel all the pain_

  
You didn’t want to get up. You didn’t want to face him. God, he must hate you. You probably embarrassed him. You were so ashamed that you fled the library like that. You should have listened to him, to see if he had anything to say. All you could think of was that he had a girlfriend and that you were aiding in him cheating on her.

You eventually rolled out of bed, heading straight for the kitchen and some coffee after hitting the bathroom. Your cheeks immediately reddened when you saw Dean sitting at the table, nursing his own coffee. His hair was sticking up in all directions and you had to remind yourself not to laugh when you saw it. He looked exhausted.

“Morning,” you said tentatively. Dean looked up at you, surprised by your quiet entrance. He grunted in response.

You knew you had to talk to him about it. No matter how bad you wanted to forget it.

“Listen, Dean, about last night—“ you began. He cut you off with a hand.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable. You—you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I really don’t want to lose you.”

You bit your lip and furrowed your brow, walking to sit across from him at the table. You sighed, and couldn’t believe you were about to say this.

_Let go of the wheel, it's the borderline_  
_Now I’m seeing red, not thinking straight_ ****__  
  


“Dean, you could never lose me. I just—I couldn’t be _that_ girl.”

Dean tilted his head in confusion.

“You’re _happy_ with her, Dean. I can’t take that from you. And I will NOT be the girl that makes you a cheater.”

“Y/N—“

“It’s just that fucking _kiss,_ ” you said, cutting him off as you stood up. “I can’t get it out of my head.” You shook your head, disappointed in yourself. “History is just repeating itself. I’m going to have to leave again. I can’t stay, not like this. I won’t be able to control myself. And you—Dean, you deserve the world. So you should be with someone who isn’t a fuck-up like me.”

You turned on your heel and walked toward your room, fully intent on packing up and leaving immediately. When you were almost there, you felt a hand grab onto your wrist and turn you around.  You were met with Dean’s hard chest, his eyes boring into yours.

He stared down at you and time slowed. You couldn’t focus, the smell of leather and cologne making your brain fuzzy. You wanted to push him away, but you couldn’t.

_Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me_ ****__  
  


Dean pulled your face to his so fast that you couldn’t even react. His lips met yours hungrily, and you found yourself gasping for breath but unable to stop.

_Just like nicotine, heroin, morphine_

_Suddenly, I’m a fiend and you’re all I need_   


“Dean,” you whispered, pulling away from him. “What about Sarah?”

He touched his forehead to yours, a small smile playing on his lips. “There is no Sarah. When I kissed you last night, I knew. Nothing could compare. I left here last night to clear my head and came back and ended it this morning.”

“But—“ you tried to argue.

“You, Y/N. _You_ make me happy. You are what I need. You’re what I’ve always needed.”

  
****_  
  
_ _It's you, babe_

_And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe_

_And I could turn around but it would be useless_

_You're to blame_

_Just one hit of you I'll never ever be the same_

 


End file.
